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I Changed

Excuse my absence last week.  My baby boy died.  I miss him.  In his honor, I am committed to my practices, to being more present, to showing up for myself and self-care even more than before.  A few years ago, I quit smoking because of him and his brother.  I caught myself resentful of every moment I spent outside, doing something that, at its best, was making me feel marginally better but more often feel icky.  I wanted those moments inside with our boys.

I stopped eating animal products because of our boys and the rescue work that I do.  I remember finding a sliver of open counter space in the kitchen of our tiny house (which we moved out of one year ago today!) and preparing some meal involving chicken.  As I cut into the cutlet, I turned around and looked at Tater Tot and it was like a switch flipped—how was I spending all of my “free time” saving one kind of animal, then eating their cousins?  I’m NOT saying everyone or anyone should stop eating meat.  It just didn’t make sense to me.  I’ve been pegged as having a rigid sense of ethics.  So I stopped that day, first leaving chicken and the like and eventually all animal products.  For them. And I’ve never felt better, physically and spiritually.

When I sat down to write to you today, I readied my notes from my Spirit Junkie Master Class, as I share some gems with you every few weeks since I graduated from that course.  I thought that’s what I would write about today, but as it sometimes does, the words took a path of their own.  But I will share with you this.  At the top of the page from the morning of 6/3/17, as I sat in the SVA auditorium awaiting my teacher to take the stage, I wrote, “Be still and know that I am here now.  Nothing else matters.  I feel perfect in this moment.”

Take that sentiment with you today.  Much love.

Binky free, Tater Tot.  Good night, sweet prince.  Mommy loves you

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