On this, the eve of the two year anniversary of my dear friend’s passing, I’m re-posting the story I wrote about her, about us, the day after she left this mortal coil.
Before you read this, please call or text that one person you’ve been meaning to reach out to. Take that time. Even if it’s been a while and you think it will be awkward, use me as an excuse– tell them Denise, your favorite blogger, told you to call.
Then, come back and read this.
I’m telling on myself today. A friend who is relatively new to the DB Fam called me yesterday. For every ounce Out There, Open and Tell It Like It Is that I am, she is Reserved, Private and Keep It to Yourself in counterbalance. I take our new-found friendship not only as a treasure but as lessons for me to learn to protect and preserve myself and my energies.
While we were on the phone, New Friend asked me a question about someone we both know. Not a gossipy question or even a judgmental question—just a question. And there I went, shady as all get out in my answer. The words felt icky coming out of my mouth… yet there they tumbled.
Our conversation ended shortly after. I felt unsettled with myself, as I spoke from a place of spiritual misalignment. There was nothing in my response that was constructive, helpful or even that answered her originally question. I caught myself falling off of the Judgment Detox wagon. Old me would have relished in the negativity. Current me corrected course with humility.
I texted New Friend and said, “I feel like I was super negative. I apologize.” I then answered her original question with a more appropriate, yet still honest answer (all of this personal development has not taken away my honesty!). I started to justify and judge myself in reaction. I even wrote, “Insecure low moment.” All of my Spiritual Running Buddies who are reading this are yelling at the screen for me to witness my judgment without judgment. I hear you.
It’s a work in progress. It’s a practice. I’m proud of myself for sharing the missteps with you, dear readers. I teach this work. I live this work. And foundationally, I do this work… so it’s not a perfect dance for me where I slay every step. It might not ever be. I decided to tell on myself to you today because I grow when I share the journey and because I’m so grateful for the lessons that New Friend imparts on me through her kindness and the way she protects her own energy with ease. Much love.
Before having two rabbits of my own, I did not consider myself an “animal person.” You may have heard clippings from this yarn before. Here’s some of my companion animal history…
When I was born, my parents had a rescue dog Bonzo, named after John Bonham. I don’t remember her but I hear she was my big sister and protector. She passed when I was maybe two or three years old. I texted mom for a more precise date but she hasn’t answered me as of time of publication.
Shortly after Bonzo passed, Midnight, a female German Shepard puppy joined our family. I remember her. She knocked me over and, thankfully gently/playfully, bit my head. I hesitate to say “bit” because she didn’t break skin or injure me physically but biting is technically what it was. There started my fear of dogs that stayed with me for nearly three decades. Midnight was rehomed for my safety with a colleague of my father.
My only cousin growing up was a cat named Sammy. Sammy didn’t like me. Sammy belongs to my uncle who taught me the true responsibility of caring for an animal. I credit this uncle for my perfect balance of compassion and no-nonsense. His example is the foundation for what I do, for my life purpose and work. Direct all complaints his way (pause for laughter).
Various fish, a turtle and a container of Sea Monkeys filled my younger years. I can still see, like a short film playing in my head, when my uncle (not the same guy from the previous paragraph) was returning the Sea Monkeys to their spot on the table in the basement (I just had to bring them upstairs and show them off!) and accidentally dumped them over, the red lid of their container rocketing off and monkey-water cascading out. Rest in Peace, Sea Monkeys. And while we’re on the topic, what the heck are Sea Monkeys? Pause for a Googling.
Ok then… Bonus was my longest-lived Beta Fish. She went away to college with me and she accompanied me on many Connecticut to Long Island and back road trips. She was a cool chick. When I met the Bunny-Daddy, I was sharing my apartment with a Beta Fish named Ham that my grandmother brought home for me from a bridal shower. Ham was the centerpiece… really people?!
Shortly after moving in together, the Bunny-Daddy and I got Tater Tot and Peanut… the rest is history, chronicled here.
I’d say I’m an animal person now. Much Love.
In late June 2014, I wrote a note in my phone of three simple “I am” statements to set the tone for my summer. Pushing aside the millions of things to get done and ways to make two months off from the day job count, I set these “I am” statements at the core of my desires for that time. At the heart of all of the “stuff” I had to do and wanted to do that summer, my true intentions were in these “I am” statements. I typed:
I am
-reading.
-practicing yoga.
-mindful.
I didn’t even know what mindful meant or why I typed it— it just appeared there on the screen. I am mindful… ok. Let that sit.
I found a yoga studio near to where we were living. I signed up for a month unlimited and then another month unlimited. I took classes 3-5 times per week for the entire summer. I am practicing yoga… finally. For months before that, I was thinking about it. And I was telling myself that I “should” be practicing yoga. But I never seemed to quite get around to it. I let everything else jump the line and take up my precious time. All it took was setting that clear intention: I am practicing yoga. Like magic, I was.
I found two teachers whose style and energy matched what I was seeking in my practice and made darn sure to show up at their classes. I dove all in, as I’m prone to do. One of those teachers offered free guided meditation after classes, as the schedule allowed. I stayed. She shared about her practices, her studies through UMass. Medical School in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and her “real life” applications of these simple-yet-complex practices. She had something here. I hung on every word.
A friendship blossomed. At the time, I hadn’t consciously revisited my note in my phone with my summer intentions, my “I am” statements. But I was learning about mindfulness, that word I typed without knowing why. My new mediation coach and friend recommended books that she was reading. We started to hang out. We shared this glorious spark of brilliance. I knew I found a soul sister in Debbie. Toward the end of August 2014, while rolling up my yoga mat after one of Debbie’s last yoga classes for the summer, I opened the notes in my phone… and there it was: I am mindful. I manifested a practice, a coach and a friend with three words. Don’t question the process. Be open to being guided. Set the intentions that are in your heart and take the action steps as they unfold.
This past Thursday, I had the honor of sitting at a full-day retreat of over 100 educators led by my soul sister Debbie and her colleague in mindfulness Cory. They led us through the practices and applications of this life-saving, life-expanding gift called Mindfulness. They are the real-deal. I, who often cannot exhale without checking my phone 17 times, did not even check the time from 7:30 am until 4:35 pm. That’s the magic that Debbie and Cory shared.
We learned about our relationship to stress, how to be with what is here, how to develop our mental fitness… I could go on and on. I took 17 pages of notes. But, if I can share only one take-away with you, it is this: replace resistance with curiosity. Approach your day with an element of awe and wonder.
Debbie, I bow to you. I am mindful.
This isn’t about rabbits or Reiki.
A year ago, we said goodbye—well, sort of. I said I would see you later that week. I said we would talk more then (and I silently promised to turn my damn phone off at our next visit—no pointless distractions). I walked out of your front door, it was a Saturday, fully intending to be back maybe on Wednesday, silently promising myself that I would not let the week go by without making time for a visit. Just like this year, last August was zooming by. About an hour after I left, you died.
I wonder a lot. You know my brain is always going, barreling perhaps. We only knew each other for a touch over two years. Why was I the second-to-last person to see you in your earthly form? Do you know how much you changed my life in a span of two years? Can you fathom just how much you taught me?
If you didn’t leave this dimension when you did, would we still be friends? Or would I have said something, done something, been something that you didn’t want to be around? Would we be on the phone right now on this super-cloudy day? Or would I be sitting here, telling myself that I better make time for you before my long vacation ends?
Ours is one of those friendships that didn’t seem likely but just makes so much darn sense. 16 years apart in age, vastly different families and upbringings. You, tiny in stature, secure in purpose. Me, average in size, barreling toward my purpose—you helped me find it. It’s all your fault, that I’m finally living my dreams.
We bought the house I told you about, but you know that already. We live so close to you now. We actually have space to have people come inside the house! I’m getting better every day. You helped guide me on this path. I hear your voice in my head. I see you in yoga classes still—remember the lady whose pants were inside-out?! I love how the same things annoyed us.
You were supposed to teach me to sew. But let’s be serious, I wouldn’t do my own sewing anyway. Did I teach you anything? Is there anything you didn’t get to tell me? Well, besides the messages that you are flooding me with now… shout out to my Spirit Junkies and other spiritual running buddies who have helped me further develop my gifts over the past year. I “hear” so clearly now.
Your babies are doing great. MM clipped their nails on Saturday. Your garden is gorgeous. Your world misses you. You are screaming in my left ear right now—I hear you, love!! I will keep living the dream for us both.
“They” say the energy goes where it needs to go—distance and time are not limitations, unless you treat them that way. I’ve done my share of Distance Reiki sessions and I often “channel” furbabies from afar, but last weekend was my first official leap around the world: a Reiki session with a doggy in Australia!
I met Amira’s mom through an online spiritual business group. We scheduled our session (after I was able to wrap my head around the time difference!) a few days in advance and I was ever-so excited to work with this cute pup. About a half an hour before our session commenced, I sat in meditation to connect with Amira and her mom’s energy. I anointed myself with Believe essential oil blend, my signature scent. I connected with three concepts, restlessness, the number 3 and thoughtfulness, which I presented to Amira’s mom at the start of our session.
We joined together via Zoom at the appointed time, breakfast for them, almost bedtime for me and I explained how I “work” and get messages. We talked about the restlessness I picked up on through my channeling, probably not uncommon for dogs in general, but Amira’s mom connected to my description. The number 3, a beautifully spiritual number, didn’t particularly stand out to her but we let that be. Then the thoughtfulness… I got the “message” that Amira is thoughtful, like if she were a person, she would be the type who remembers everyone’s birthdays. Her mom liked that! Super sweet.
Amira’s mom asked me to check in on Amira’s anxiety, particularly when she leaves the house, to make sure she’s comfortable and drinking her water. From there, I started my direct work with Amira, who lied casually across her bed. Starting with her crown, I felt pressure (but not pain!) and was compelled to send the word “freedom.” I sensed a favoring of her left side and she “told” me that she likes to have her right ear scratched!
Amira transitioned into her mom’s lap at some point during our session, still comfortable and soaking in the vibes. When working on her throat chakra, she acknowledged that she knows her mom listens to her—how beautiful! Moving to her heart, I felt a darkness. In our post-session conversation, I assured mom that this was NOT something scary or bad, but just something to keep an eye on, be open to… maybe get her a green toy, something to connect with the heart chakra. On to the solar plexus, Amira feels safe and heard. She feels a best friend energy with her mom and likes to be reminded of that.
Toward the close of our session, I connected strongly to Amira’s root chakra, checking in on the concerns mom expressed before we got started. Amira knows she will be with her mom forever and she grips onto their relationship. She also “showed” me the number 4. I closed the session, beaming tons of love, light and energy for the greatest good of Amira, her family and their home. I shared what I “heard” and “got” through the Reiki with Amira’s mom and thanked her for this opportunity to work together. A beautiful family, a beautiful session. Much Love.
You’ve heard it or read it a thousand times before… “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” -Dr. W. Dyer
That concept has swirled around me the past few days. (Look at Summer Denise, writing on a Tuesday instead of Sunday… scandalous!). I’m getting more and more comfortable with change, especially the changes that I didn’t necessarily invite into my life. I’m shifting my perspective with an intention to see the value in the change for myself and for those with whom I share love. I’ve always been the type to take words and promises very literally, particularly because I keep my own without question. Not everyone is like that. I’ve always assumed their breaking their word, and subsequently our trust, was purposeful. I’m working to change the way I look at that. I’m working, because this is wholly MY ISSUE, to see that everyone’s definition of loyalty and friendship is different. And that’s cool. Acceptance.
When I go to yoga classes, I rotate where I roll out my mat. I used to be the type to want the same spot (middle row, side of the room) for every class. When I switched studios two summers ago, I decided to change that habit. Now I never get stuck in a rut, as I’m consciously shifting my perspective. I’m able to be more present because the change in physical space keeps my brain more engaged. I don’t shift into autopilot, then careen off to what I have to do after class “monkey mind” as easily. I change the way I look at things every time I step into the studio. Try it.
It’s not easy to move your spot, to say no, or to walk away from certain people, places or things. Whether it be habit, pattern or sense of obligation, we sometimes find ourselves going places we don’t want to go, getting into conversations that feel “wrong,” or surrounded by elements that make us feel stifled, fake, even in pain. Honor yourself. Walk away. Drift away. Run away. Whatever pace suites you. I promise, I’m living proof, that when you surround yourself with the people, places and things that match your level, frequency, and power, your happiness, soul and success will soar.
Flip it on its head today. Change that perspective. Shed the confines of relationships and situations that no longer serve your highest good. Hop into something that feels better, that feels right. Then watch the miracles fly. Much love.
